Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my being single is dangerous.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
