Kiss
Puke
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
