i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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