i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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