party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
