My first STD was from a foam party
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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