We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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