I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
