so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
