I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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