Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
