Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
