no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's get the cat blown out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
