My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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