I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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