so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
