Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
