Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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