This is not my ceiling
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
