Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
