if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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