Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I supernannyed him into submission
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
