the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize