then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
