I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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