3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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