Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
