Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize