My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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