If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
