yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
