Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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