Non-Jews are for practice
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
