Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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