yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
