I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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