How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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