If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
