That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
