dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize