I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
