Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
