Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
