My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
