yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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