Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
