We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
