He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
