I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
