I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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