Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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