Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
