I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry about my life...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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