thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
