I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
