I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
