Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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