Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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