I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
