oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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