he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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