i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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