I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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