grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
