I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
