Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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