I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I will pee on everything he values.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
