Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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