is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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