I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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