Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
