So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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