Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
