I wannas sexs uuuuu
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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