i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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