Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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