is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
