Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
