It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
