i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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