Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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