I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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