WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
