Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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