I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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