So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
