We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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