you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
