Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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