i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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