It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm having to shit out rocks
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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