meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
